Clothing Anxiety

Geez... i don't know what to wear...

Hmm more like i've got nothing to wear for work. Tried some of my friend's stuff, either too big (for later i guess) or not 'work-ish'. And my mom is not back yet.

Well. Baby Bump is getting bigger and showing. Colleague just came back and said, "Oooo so cute" and pat pat on my tummy. *peng san* Honest to god.. it is not _that_ big... is it? Maybe it is the two Mr bean pancakes i ate this morning :(

Mook has been wanting to take photos of the bump but i am feeling alittle bit down. Gosh, suddenly felt like i am all 'bump' and nothing else. He said it is for 'documentation' and evidence for Baby Bump to know where he came from. Well, not sure what's in it for me really... Do I really need to have reminders of a growing tummy? Perhaps some women might enjoy that, but i have never much like having my own photos taken... esp when they don't look that good. And as if photos are not bad enough, Mook actually would like to VIDEO the whole birthing process (ala more documentation). Why do i suddenly feel like one of his art work? Well, maybe in essence, he does feel like i am. I threatened to bite him if he brings a videocam anywhere near me when i am in hospital. I have a feeling i am most probably going to be not in very good mood during that time.

Ahh....

Growing Bump

Just back from Bintan and feeling like it was too short a holiday. Wish i could say that it was a nausea-free holiday but still managed to throw up like once a day. Not too bad already i guess but the return ferry was a bit rocky at the last 1/2 hour, so by the time i got home, i was getting all pukish again.

In all trip was fun. Not sure if baby bump had fun but it certainly has grown abit. So far i havent had the need to change my warerobe and still fitting into my regular stuff but the last two days, i definitely noted a pretty well-defined bump below the navel. Looks like i will have to start changing my pants soon. Thankfully a good friend pass me some of her maternity wear, and my mom just called to tell me that she picked out some work pants for me from Korea and China. Guess that about settles it for the clothing side of things.

People has been asking me about the gender of the baby which honestly, i still don't know. Doc said it may be possible to see something in the next appointment when baby is after four months old but i guess this kind of thing also depends on baby's 'mood'. As for our preference... aiya, as long as healthy, its okie boy or girl. That said, i think if its a girl, i may need more help because i am not sure if i am the 'pink and barbie' type of mummy, since "rough and tumble" is more my cup of tea due to my personality. Hahaha oh well.. no kids of mine will be playing with barbies anyway (mook did wondered if that will make them more 'deprived' *snort*).

The older folks all said that they don't really mind if boy or girl, but i think secretly they would all like to have a boy. As my dad said, if first child is a boy, that will be a lot less stress for the mother aka me, cos' after all, mook is the only son and eldest grandson of the family. Anyway, this kind of thing not up to us and in this day and age, frankly, i think everyone will be happy as long as both me and baby are fine. :)

Week 15

Couple of good news...

1) First trimester screening results came back and everything is fine. Both me and mook are relieve but we are also treating this with 平常心 because this is only one of the many worries and hurdles which we will have to go through. After all, developmental problems can happen anytime during pregnancy, during birth and after birth. Test for toxoplasmosis was also negative. I suspected as much since Ruskie is a house cat who doesnt mix with other felines and the only food he eats is premium cat biscuits. :P Blood sugar is abit low but that's normal since i was still throwing up alot when i did the blood tests.

2) My nausea is 'almost' gone. Hurray! Was throwing up 6-7 times a day last couple of weeks everytime i tried to put anything into my mouth (food or fluid). Now, its mostly in the evening, which means that i at least get to keep my lunch in. With more stable food intake, i am also starting to regain back my weight steadily. Good thing is i haven't had much food cravings. The only serious food cravings so far was once for 豆浆油条 and last night, for roast duck leg. Hopefully i will crave for more healthy stuff instead of all the oily and bad-for-health stuff. I try to eat healthier for lunch and mook has been making me eat fish, except the smell of fish really makes me gag and throw up. Yuck. Looks like those things i don't like before pregnancy, i STILL don't like while pregnant. Hahaha

3) I can finally go on a trip now that my first trimester is over. Mook is booking a short getaway for us at Angsana Resort and Spa in Bintan next week and i am so looking forward to it. Finally i get to chill out and go swimming now that i have more energy and less throwing up (hopefully it will stop altogether by next week). Crossing my fingers! I really need a break i think and so does Mook. Sigh...

Baby bump is 15 weeks old now and at the last scanning, it was 7cm and we could see the baby moving rather actively as the doc run the ultra-sound scanner around the tummy. The baby has distinct fingers and arms, and it was waving the arms about as the doc 'irritates' it trying to get a decent scan of its neck and spine. Heh heh heh.

Week 10

Week 10 and counting!

Been quite tired and pukish (as usual) but the last two days, by some odd miracle, i was feeling great. No sign of vomitting and i ate pretty well. That said, today i was back to my old self and nauseous again. Maybe it was that i slept really early on the two days i felt better. I am going to try that today and see if tomorrow i will be feeling better.

Work is tiring me out even though now i am done with lecturing. The marking of assignments however, has been a huge problem. I can't seem to focus on reading anything (even the newspaper) much less someone's assignment paper. I can't exactly do them during normal work hours because of.. well, normal work. And once i reached home, i am usually pukish and concussed. As for the weekends, I had to drag myself to do the marketing with mook and maid, though it often ended up with me throwing up by the roadside (i get car sick) while they go get what needs to be gotten. After which, i am concussed again for the afternoons till dinner time.

I wonder if all pregnancies are that tiring. Another colleague of mine seems fine and doesn't really puke much even though she, like me, is in the 1st trimester. However, she said she have awful cramps which i am thankful that i don't. Another friend shared similar fatigueness but there also those who don't seem to get so washed out like i am currently facing.

Anyway, mook has been really really good and helpful, such as volunteering to do most, if not all, the housework. I guess he feels really sorry for me everytime he see me run to the toilet and retch/throw up. Sometimes i feel sorry for myself too but i guess its all part and parcel of things so i am still coping.

Saturday 26th April

I brought baby bump to 'listen' to Mayday's Concert (of course, i am doing the watching). Wah.. feeling damn high but also damn tired. Used to be that i could stand and jump for 3 hours straight during their concert, but now, barely 15minutes and i am feeling giddy and tired, so had to sit down periodically. Chewing on antacids helped for a bit with the nausea but the fatigue is something i have no handle over. So here i am watching my idols having a whale of a time but at the same time feeling damn sick and wondering when the concert will be ending.

God, when will the 1st trimester be over?

First Trimester Screening

Went for a check-up with the gynae today and the option of doing screening for foetal abnormality came up. A while back we have already decided that we would go for the screening because a cousin of mine had a baby with Down Syndrome. When the doctor spoke of the option to me today, nonetheless, my heart was still pretty jittery despite that the choice was already made.

My work in a special school prepared me in some ways that age is actually not the only deciding factor when a child is born with special needs. Unlike some parents who thought that as long as they are below 35, their baby will be okie, i've seen parents even as young as 18 giving birth to a child with DS. I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse that i know so much about children being born with special needs. On one hand, i know what to look out for and can prepare myself mentally should anything happens, on the other hand, i am also frightfully aware of all the things that could potentially go wrong during pregnancy, during birth, after birth.

I find myself having to balance between being realistic and maintaining a positive outlook. My parents being staunch christians put everything unto their faith in God while i guess my in-laws probably don't think anything bad will happen to us or the baby and has prayed to their gods about it as well. I don't know about mook but being an agnostic, i guess it is not as easy to think the same. Yet, it is time like this i do sometimes wish that i have a strong spiritual faith to help insulate me. However, that said, at the end of the day, i am not looking for 'insulation' because bad things do happen regardless of faith (IMHO) and damn if i am going to have my head stuck in the sand thinking that it will never happen to me when it does.

I guess i am a realist at heart.

Home Leave

Put on MC for 3 days by doc because i am dehydrated. How not to be dehydrated when everything you put into your body comes right back out again? I am still trying to get a handle of the nausea and vomitting. And it hit me quite badly over the last week. Almost the whole day i felt like puking or if nothing to puke, burp like the devil who just had tacos. It's not fun and it makes me feel car-sickish even when i am not in a car. Guess now i know how people who gets sea-sick feels like.

This is a new sensation for me since i hardly get sea-sick. Everynight i will go to bed feeling like a sailor who had just disembarked from his slow junkboat. A few times i swore that the bed really moved (well, it does have wheels afterall). Now my best friend in bed isnt my darling mook, but my trusty axbrand medicated oil which i rub liberally on my nose, my temples and my chest. For some reason, i thought the 'heat' may help disperse the 'gas' there but mook say he will just get me that wind-banishing oil from the tv commercial (you know, the one that had the little girl lovingly tell her mom that she went "ptoo"). Not sure if it will work but heck, anything to help me feel less like a giant gas-bag.

So now, i am supposed to rest at home and take little sips of water. The doc also gave me some 'unproven' advice which he said worked for most of his clients, like drinking ribena, avoiding things that trigger nausea (e.g. brushing teeth in the morning??), eating crackers instead of soupy stuff that will make the stomach churn more, taking walks after meals, trial and error with all sort of food and taste to see what i crave for (e.g. spicy, sour etc), eating whenever i am feeling okie, drinking coffee (no more than 2 cups a day - including any caffeinated drinks) etc. At this rate, i am most willing to try anything just to stop losing weight.

Before pregnancy, i was around 58-59kg in Feb (and that's after trying to diet and eat less when i saw my weight shot past 60 in Jan). Now, in April, i am 56kg without even trying. Doc say its mainly water and its normal, well, didnt feel too normal to me because i am seriously not putting much food inside my body. I am still eating supplements like folic acid and VitB6, as well as taking juice etc for the vit c whenever i can for the baby. But i don't like this nuah nuah feeling like i am walking on a boat the whole time. Hopefully it is really the 1st trimester thingy and it will be over once and for all (cross fingers) in another month or so.

Baby bump is 8 weeks and counting.