First Trimester Screening

Went for a check-up with the gynae today and the option of doing screening for foetal abnormality came up. A while back we have already decided that we would go for the screening because a cousin of mine had a baby with Down Syndrome. When the doctor spoke of the option to me today, nonetheless, my heart was still pretty jittery despite that the choice was already made.

My work in a special school prepared me in some ways that age is actually not the only deciding factor when a child is born with special needs. Unlike some parents who thought that as long as they are below 35, their baby will be okie, i've seen parents even as young as 18 giving birth to a child with DS. I don't know if this is a blessing or a curse that i know so much about children being born with special needs. On one hand, i know what to look out for and can prepare myself mentally should anything happens, on the other hand, i am also frightfully aware of all the things that could potentially go wrong during pregnancy, during birth, after birth.

I find myself having to balance between being realistic and maintaining a positive outlook. My parents being staunch christians put everything unto their faith in God while i guess my in-laws probably don't think anything bad will happen to us or the baby and has prayed to their gods about it as well. I don't know about mook but being an agnostic, i guess it is not as easy to think the same. Yet, it is time like this i do sometimes wish that i have a strong spiritual faith to help insulate me. However, that said, at the end of the day, i am not looking for 'insulation' because bad things do happen regardless of faith (IMHO) and damn if i am going to have my head stuck in the sand thinking that it will never happen to me when it does.

I guess i am a realist at heart.

Home Leave

Put on MC for 3 days by doc because i am dehydrated. How not to be dehydrated when everything you put into your body comes right back out again? I am still trying to get a handle of the nausea and vomitting. And it hit me quite badly over the last week. Almost the whole day i felt like puking or if nothing to puke, burp like the devil who just had tacos. It's not fun and it makes me feel car-sickish even when i am not in a car. Guess now i know how people who gets sea-sick feels like.

This is a new sensation for me since i hardly get sea-sick. Everynight i will go to bed feeling like a sailor who had just disembarked from his slow junkboat. A few times i swore that the bed really moved (well, it does have wheels afterall). Now my best friend in bed isnt my darling mook, but my trusty axbrand medicated oil which i rub liberally on my nose, my temples and my chest. For some reason, i thought the 'heat' may help disperse the 'gas' there but mook say he will just get me that wind-banishing oil from the tv commercial (you know, the one that had the little girl lovingly tell her mom that she went "ptoo"). Not sure if it will work but heck, anything to help me feel less like a giant gas-bag.

So now, i am supposed to rest at home and take little sips of water. The doc also gave me some 'unproven' advice which he said worked for most of his clients, like drinking ribena, avoiding things that trigger nausea (e.g. brushing teeth in the morning??), eating crackers instead of soupy stuff that will make the stomach churn more, taking walks after meals, trial and error with all sort of food and taste to see what i crave for (e.g. spicy, sour etc), eating whenever i am feeling okie, drinking coffee (no more than 2 cups a day - including any caffeinated drinks) etc. At this rate, i am most willing to try anything just to stop losing weight.

Before pregnancy, i was around 58-59kg in Feb (and that's after trying to diet and eat less when i saw my weight shot past 60 in Jan). Now, in April, i am 56kg without even trying. Doc say its mainly water and its normal, well, didnt feel too normal to me because i am seriously not putting much food inside my body. I am still eating supplements like folic acid and VitB6, as well as taking juice etc for the vit c whenever i can for the baby. But i don't like this nuah nuah feeling like i am walking on a boat the whole time. Hopefully it is really the 1st trimester thingy and it will be over once and for all (cross fingers) in another month or so.

Baby bump is 8 weeks and counting.

Green Bean

Yesterday went to another gynae recommended by colleague's mom whose a nurse. Seems like a pretty prominent doc with years of experience. Saw a couple of 'celebs' photos of them and their kids also. Thought the whole experience was not bad, the doc was straight-forward, no-nonsense type but quite fatherly. Was telling mook that he probably will scold his patients if they don't have common-sense or when they don't listen to him. But he was very thorough during the consultation and examination. The terms he used was also very funny. For example, during the ultra-sound, he kept calling the egg sac "baby house" and "bank". Mook thought it was quite cute while i am trying hard not to giggle while i have something sticking up my you-know-what.

Anyway, finally we had a look at baby bump. Now at 6 weeks old, he/she is as big as a green bean but there was a pretty steady pulse. I made a probably silly comment like, if the pulse was mine instead of the baby's and the doc promptly told me that my heart isnt so low down, only a male's heart would be. Took me and mook a split second to realize that the doc was joking. Then it was another round of me trying hard not to giggle while mook gave me a look from behind the doc.

So 6 weeks old and pretty much everything is proceeding normally. Doc gave me some pills to help with my vomitting though he did threaten to put me on a drip eventually if i don't start to keep food down. Also had a lengthy lecture on danger signs to look out for and medication to take should i feel cramps (told doc that i felt occasional discomfort and was immediately told to take those things seriously). Also had Vit B6 prescribed together with the usual folic acid and schedule for another appointment in 2 weeks time because doc will be going on holiday after that and wanted to monitor how i am before that. I think he also wanted to talk to me a little bit about baby's development and screening because of i had a cousin who delivered a baby with down syndrome.

In any case, me and mook is now in the process of deciding which doc we should continue with. The nice younger lady doc who treats everyone like a friend or this older male doc with experience with the funny sense of humour.

Decisions decisions decisions.

Hormonal ups and downs

Morning baby bump...

I think mummy is finally getting the reality of having you inside me. You might be tiny now but you have no idea what kind of havoc you have been creating in mummy's body ever since you found a snug (i hope it is) place to grow for the next few months.

One thing you will learn about mummy is that, she loves food but hates to be fat. Unfortunately, it is in mummy's genes that what mummy eats, usually ends up padding up her thighs and arms (don't laugh, because it probably means you will be the same too). If you look at 婆婆，you will know that the gene breds true from mother to daughter. 公公,on the other hand, is like a beanpole. Daddy Mook has it better because his mommy and daddy (that's 爷爷奶奶 to you) are pretty slim so though daddy mook gets chubby whenever he gets lazy, he usually loses it quite quickly if he decide to be hardworking and go jogging again. So let's hope that you will be like daddy mook in this aspect.

Anyway, mummy loves food and will usually have to diet because of the reasons above so that she doesnt suddenly become like 婆婆. But these days, mummy has not felt like eating much and that's really REALLY rare so she has been losing weight even though she wasn't trying to. If mummy doesnt know that she is pregnant, she would have thought that she was being really sick. You are now 5 weeks old and mummy has lost about 2 kg since the time. Initially it was just a lost of appetite but just today, mummy realized that baby bump has another surprise for her: nausea, which led to throwing up, even if there isnt anything to throw up.

Mummy is not blaming you baby bump because well, i guess it shows that you are there and mummy's body is trying hard to adjust to you growing. Though mummy love to lose some weight but she is a little worried that you wont be getting enough nutrients if mummy can't keep her food down. Guess, that's where the supplements and milk comes in even though mummy usually gag when drinking milk, and even daddy mook is surprised that mummy would drink milk voluntarily (and trying hard to keep it down).

There are other things that's changing with mummy now such as always being tired and sleepy (strange for a late nighter like me), having sore nipples (ouch) and a sudden outbreak of pimples (mummy's complexion is usually quite good). So life's a little topsy-turvy still but i am coping so far. However, i really hope that the nausea thing could end soon. But as i was talking to other aunties who had babies, looks like mummy will have to bear with it for the next few weeks or so. Hopefully by the time you are 13 weeks old, mummy will be able to enjoy eating food again.

Note to baby bump

I know that baby bump is only 4 weeks old and it will be another 8 weeks before we could say that things are stable. Even after that, anything could happen before birth, during birth, after birth. There is just so much to think about but all i know now is, i am so happy and i just want to tell that baby bump inside me..


Grow well baby bump.. be healthy and strong. Both me and your daddy mook is so looking forward to meeting you and it seems like such a long time before we can see your face and fight over who you look like. But before that, i am going to take good care of myself with the help of your daddy and grannies and granddads and greatgrandma and uncles and auntie so that you can grow peacefully in your own time, inside me. There are so much things out here which we want to show you but right now, you have to just trust me when i say that you will like being here with me and ur daddy mook.

Even though you are inside now and i don't think you will hear me till later, but i think when you do, you will probably find that mommy can have a really big temper but don't worry, because daddy mook is quite good at making mommy laugh and be happy again. I think you will like daddy mook alot because he is going to show you all his toys like his ultra-brothers though i am not sure if he will let you play with them. And if you are a girl, i doubt that it will matter either because daddy mook has rather funny ideas about what's fun for a child. While inside, you may also hear mommy talk alot to 'ruskie'. I must warn you first that 'ruskie' has a rather bad temper (like mommy) but he is really one of the silliest and funniest (as well as fat) cat around.

Mommy doesnt really know how the next few months is going to be like. I just want you to be safe and to know that you are doing okie. This is something that the both of us will be going through so let's just help each other along until the day you are ready to meet everyone okie?

Love you baby bump...

And it was not an April's Fool Day joke...

This is one of those most unexpected and eagerly anticipated event in my life. Actually, to be frank, my mind is quite topsy turvy now after all the emotional roller coaster over the last few months. Who would have thought...

I've always figured that kids would come naturally when i wanted to have them. When mook and i got married, we had a plan. 2 years of our own lives before having a little one or two, then i will quit to take care of kids or work part-time. Sounds perfect and that's exactly what we did till towards the end of the two years, we started to get a nagging feeling that perhaps little ones don't just appear as readily as we thought they might. It wasn't so much of the fact that girlfriends around me and my age were starting to pop, as frequently as popcorns, but that odd nudging feeling that things may be more complicated for us than others. Based on that intuition, we had check-ups despite the fact that we were both just trying only for a couple of months.

At first, some said that we should just give it a little more time, but in a way, i am glad we didn't listen because as it turned out, we do need help in this area. In any case, chances were slim (though not impossible) if we were to conceive naturally. I had a hard time grappling with the fact and spent nights crying about it while mook tried to console me. Thankfully, my ob-gyn was a really positive lady and she gave us options immediately, medication first, and if not, possible procedures to follow. Main thing is, we are still young and if any thing was to be done, at least we will have a higher chance of success. I think i really latched on to that hope though i knew mook was more cautious and slightly overwhelmed.

All that was 2 months ago. Over the last two months, there were times when i tried to convinced myself that children may not be the necessity in my life and that mook & i could still have a fulfilling life of our own, just the two of us. I tried to picture the two of us travelling, enjoying our lives independently without cares but there will be days where i would become unreasonably upset and moody about myself. On the good days, mook and i would laugh at our 'stress' and fill them with funny dreams of living on salmon in Helsinki. On bad days, i would bitch at him and say horrible things because i thought he didnt want to have kids as much as i do or that he was bias towards the ob-gyn & her recommendations. In fact it was a week of the 'bad days' when i finally thought that something is not quite 'right'.

So far, we had been following what the gynae suggested with the ovu-kit and meds but somehow, by the 1st month or so, i am already trying to adjust my own thinking (including my family's expectation) so that none of us would be too disappointed. By the 2nd month, both me and mook are both pretty strained trying to be nonchalent yet, internally feeling more and more upset with ourselves. It was in the midst of that period of not really sure how to comfort each other and yet having to appear 'normal' that i realized that my menses was overdue. It was only 2 days or so and i didn't want to get my hopes up but somehow, last saturday, when i went to get the refills for the ovu-kit, i just picked up a test kit as well.

I was supposed to be conducting a workshop that saturday but perhaps i just wanted to get the bad news over and done with, i did the test just before the workshop started. I think i nearly fainted when two lines appeared instead of the usual 1 (i am quite accustomed to seeing the single blue line, but two lines? that's something new...) In any case, i did complete the workshop in one piece but it took me one whole day before i could mention it to mook who thought that i ought to do another test a few days later since i had medication for a cold just the day before. We went to get another test kit (with two tests this time, i think we were just a bit KS about this), and despite mook's idea that i should repeat the test 3 days later, i did another one on sunday night and this time round it was a + sign appearing.

Two tests in two days. I doubt panadol could change the result of a preg test and the box did say it shouldnt. Thankfully my gynae had a slot to see me on monday and while she thought that 2 tests cant be wrong, she agreed to do a blood test to confirm it just for my peace of mind. The positive results were confirmed a day later when the doc called me personally. :))) Mook and I told our families over the phone and we had similar reactions, some asked if it was an April Fool's joke. Hahaha, as if we would joke about a thing like that!!

My mom was even better. When i first called her in China, she just told me how she 'already knew' because God has spoken to her and gave her signs. She told me how her prayers had come true. But just a few minutes later after she put down the phone to call my brother (who is in HK) and he commented that i could be pulling an april fool's prank... the faithful one had to call my darling hubby just to confirmed that i am indeed pregnant and not pulling anyone's legs. Mook's dad apparently had the same reaction. But all in all, once we reassured everyone that I am indeed 'knocked up', everyone in the family has been wonderfully happy for us and encouraging.

So yes, mook and i are going to be parents! :))